💻 You Can Reboot Yourself Just Like a Computer
March Madness, Day 19
(Welcome to Day 19 of our March Madness series and continuing celebration of Mardi Gras, with love from Genevieve & Ali & the Ally Show)
Hey yo I’m not a doctor, have never been a doctor, have never played one on TV, the closest I got to being a doctor was claiming to be “premed” when I got to college and didn’t know what else to say and even that non-commitment burned off before I got to my second semester.
So caveat emptor, please consult an actual doctor, consult a real therapist, why wouldn’t you do that, even if you don’t have health insurance you can look for a free clinic, please please do yourself the favor of doing that.
Just in the meantime I do sense a need out there in the community right now and I have so been there. I have so, so been there. So I just might have some ideas that could help but caveat emptor but anyway just lemme share those ideas real quick.
You’re an adult, you get to decide what to try, but if I were you, this is what I’d do.
The spinning wheel of death doesn’t just afflict computers.
It can happen to humans, too.
It may be happening to you right now.
25 Signs You Need a Reboot
You feel sad all the time for no reason
You are crying in your car often, with or without a reason
You are driving angry
You feel angry for no reason or about tiny tiny things that would not have made you angry before
You are worrying too much about different things and/or your thoughts are racing so fast you can’t track them and when you try to stop worrying or thinking you can’t
You are walking around muttering under your breath and you are saying stuff like this, “F(*@#$& that guy,” “No one ever helps me,” “Stupid b@#*&$^@, what does she know anyway,” “Why am I doing the @*#(&@)*#&^ laundry again,” &c.
You are talking to your kids or partner or family members or work colleagues as if you are the Cursing Mommy
You don’t look at yourself in the mirror anymore and/or when you look in the mirror you can’t bear to look into your own eyes and/or you don’t recognize the person you see in the mirror and/or your eyes look wrong or dull in color
Your ears are ringing for no reason, especially if it starts or stops suddenly
You are so antsy you can’t sit still
You feel so lethargic that you can barely move
You feel suddenly drained when you get home from work and find yourself sitting down in your hallway or on the bathroom floor for no apparent reason
You feel so exhausted that you go to bed wearing your street clothes (if this is not something you usually do)
Your skin is much more sensitive than usual; your usually-comfortable clothes feel rough or weird against your skin
You can’t remember the last time you laughed
You can’t remember the last time you were in a state of flow
When you try to do “gratitude practice” you just feel angry or sad that people aren’t helping you more
You are dropping things or breaking things all the time (if this is not something you usually do)
You are talking a mile a minute when you are usually pretty chill and/or you are completely silent when you are usually pretty chatty
You are having trouble sleeping or trouble staying awake when that is not usually a problem for you
You have an unexplained tic in your eyelid or face (or anywhere)
You can feel you are clenching your teeth more than usual and/or have broken a tooth recently
You wake up every morning bathed in cortisol and feeling absolute dread about the day ahead, even if nothing really extreme is on your calendar for that day
Nothing seems fun anymore, even things that used to be fun
You hate everything
Ya get it.
It doesn’t feel great.
There are roughly a zillion signals that can tell you that it’s time for a reboot.
In general, if you are feeling “off” or “not yourself,” or if you are in a tailspin or you are jumping out of your skin or you feel completely unregulated, and this feeling lasts for more than one day or especially more than one week, it may be time for a reboot.1
15 Things to Try If You Have 5 Minutes or Less
Stand on one foot. Look at a spot on the wall and balance as best you can. If you fall over try the other foot.
Try any form of “bilateral stimulation.” This just means using each side of your body, left right, left right, left right. You can do this by, for example:
walking (left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot). Bonus points if you let your arms swing more than you usually let them swing. Try not to be carrying anything in your hands
looking out the corners of your eyes like a bandit and looking left then right, right then left, back and forth, try not to move your head, just your actual eyeballs
turning your head gently from left to right and back again
roll your left shoulder back, then your right shoulder back, then your left shoulder back and so on. After you get bored change direction and roll them forward one by one till you get bored again
hop gently from foot to foot
if your mobility is impaired and/or pain prevents you from moving freely, please find some way to alternate activating each side of your body, you got this, baby, even tapping your hands alternately on each knee counts
Speaking of hopping, jump up and down gently. Bonus points if you can jump rope, but don’t use having to buy a jumprope first as an excuse for not doing anything
Try Child’s Pose. Then relax everything as much as you can into the floor. Bonus points if you pretend to open up the top of your head and just let all the black or red or gray garbage dump out of your head and drain down into the floor. The floor has infinity capacity to absorb all that so just let it go as much as you can. If you dump out anything important that you want to keep, don’t worry, important things will come back to mind at some point soon
Shake it off. Much more on this one in a future post but for now just shake out your hands, shake out your feet, shake out your face like a dog (but more gently than a dog)
Go outside, Flavor 1- take off your shoes and stand barefoot in the grass if you can find some grass that isn’t gross. Try Mountain Pose while you’re out there (I learned this one from my niece who is smarter than I am)
Go outside, Flavor 2 - stand, sit, or lie down under the biggest tree you can find and look up into the branches and the sky. Seek a view something like this:
Take a very very cold shower or a very very hot shower
Find a friend and ask them to look you in the eye silently for 1-3 minutes (set a timer). This works best if it’s a close friend and it still might get weird, just roll with it
Dance to “WTF (Where They From)” by my godmother Missy Elliott, with choreography by my cousin Tricia Miranda. If at all possible don’t just watch it, get yourself some privacy and let yourself bounce, bop, or dance along
Write your way out (like in this NSFW song inspired by Hamilton). Sit down right now, pen/pencil and paper, write a giant screed of everything you are thinking and feeling, write and write and write till you can’t write no more. This also works on the computer but paper is much better. When you are done you can throw it away, burn it (like in this Hamilton song), or put it in a drawer and look at it at a time when you feel more yourself
If you have been stifling crying, get to a safe place and cry and cry till you can’t cry no more
Try Recumbent Pigeon Pose. This one is for more experienced yoginis but if that’s you, I definitely suggest you try this. Work your way from regular Pigeon Pose into Recumbent Pigeon where you have your head on the floor in front of your legs. Once you are in Recumbent Pigeon, open up the top of your head and let the gunk run out á la in Child’s Pose and also open your hip joint on that side and let any extra gunk that is trapped in there drain into the floor too. This one can make you cry and cry, that’s okay. Stay there as long as is comfortable, especially if one side makes you cry and the other doesn’t - stay on the crying side, sorry but it works better if you do it on that side
Speaking of birds, make eye contact with a bird
No, I mean it, really get in there
Please try any of those 15 things and report back.
10 Things to Try If You Have 1-3 Hours
Go to the pool - especially if they have a cold plunge. If they do, find your courage and do the cold plunge. If no cold plunge, just jump into the deepest part of the water rather than getting in bit by bit (only if you can swim please, thank you)
Join me for morning qigong, online at 8.30 PST every weekday and 9AM weekends. Trust me, this is the real deal for aspiring Jedis:
Luminous Ground Online Tai Chi and Qigong Classes
Follow along with daily practice on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@luminousgroundschooloftaij1500 (new posts daily)
Try Feldenkrais. Maybe you haven’t heard of it but basically a Ukrainian engineer back in the 1940s looked at the mindbody as a system and devised zillions of tiny little exercises to help keep the system in good working order. He referred to these movements as “cleaning the machinery.” He developed this method on himself as he worked to heal a knee injury without surgery. I also love this quote of his: “Making the impossible possible, the possible easy, and the easy elegant.” I hear a reboot in that, do you? For this method, you can lie on the floor and be guided by the magnificent Carolyn Fleg, whose training has included teaching from one of Feldenkrais’s actual students. She will walk you gently and patiently through these minute and powerful exercises over Zoom.
Class schedule: https://www.awarenessandgrace.com/classes.html
Some classes are by donation only so you have literally nothing to lose, give it a go
Extra bonus is that Carolyn sends out email reminders for each class with the most hypnotic animated gifs I have ever seen. These are so weird and good, they may help you reboot too:
Acupuncture. Consult my favorite acupuncture practitioner in the world, Courtney Moore, or find another expert nearby. Acupuncture is everywhere and if you haven’t ever tried it I would say needing a reboot is one of the best reasons to try it.
Let Candace Combs and her expert team knock, knead, or smooth some sense into you. Book time at the indispensable In-Symmetry Spa or search for something similar nearer to you.
Go to the art museum or take a strenuous hike or clock in for a basketball game or do some other activity that used to help you feel present and centered, even if you have no interest in doing it right now. Just make yourself do it please and see if you can feel yourself rebooting during or after the activity.
Go watch a movie. If you feel overwhelmed, look for a peaceful quiet movie. If you feel dead and bland, look for the loudest and most brightly colored movie you can find. Turn your phone off and be 100% present for the movie.
Break out the emotion wheel - ideally print it out and circle all the feelings you can feel, or even buy this whiteboard version of it and circle the feelings and erase them and redo it each day till you feel more on top of understanding how you actually feel.
Design the conditions for a really good night’s sleep. Try every sleep hygiene trick that has ever worked for you (no screens two hours before bedtime, read a paper book or listen to a “Calm” meditation (or Ali’s “10-min Pause” especially if you speak Farsi) to help you fall asleep, make sure you are wearing something comfortable to sleep in, check the temperature in the house, don’t set an alarm and try to sleep as late as you can, etc.). Check in with yourself upon waking - do you feel any better or more centered than you have felt lately? If not, consider adding more nights to focus on sleep quality and/or try other sleep hygiene tricks. If you can’t get anything to work, get thee to a doctor and request a sleep study.
Make a Gesture of Size as described by Nora Ephron in Heartburn. I’ll talk more about this in a future post.
Get Thee to the Library
5 books that can help you reboot
Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity, David Lynch.
Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch. Photo courtesy of Penguin. Cover design by David Walker. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily and Amelia Nagoski. This book helped me understand that stress and fatigue could actually be making me physically sick (along with Dr. Chatterjee’s book below). Read it to figure out whether it applies to you. Hint: You can be completely burned out and not recognize that fact if you haven’t considered it directly. Not to scare you but check it out.
The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, Julia Cameron. If you can’t stand the thought of undertaking a 12-week program (which you might well feel reluctant about when you need a reboot and haven’t had one), try just one of her recommendations, the famous Morning Pages. Free write / brain dump three pages every morning with no intention of using or even re-reading what you are writing. Cameron describes this practice as “cleaning the mirror” - slowly but surely over time, you start to see yourself and your hopes and dreams and ideas more clearly.
The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide: How You Can Become More Hopeful, Connected, and Happy, Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Saracheck. I'm actually kind of mad at the Anxiety Sisters (two female authors) for gendering this book so heavily female. They have a weasel words paragraph about how they are writing for everyone, not just for women, and of course people of any gender identity can face anxiety. But I think the challenge of identifying as an “anxiety sister” is pretty big for most of the guys I know. It's a shame because I do think the info and advice works across the board. Since I can’t convince the authors to change it on the supply side, let me suggest we handle this on the demand side: Be brave, you men out there, be man enough to consider whether you can identify as an “anxiety sister.” This book can definitely help everyone not just the gals.
The Stress Solution: The 4 Steps to Reset Your Body, Mind, Relationships and Purpose, Rangan Chatterjee. “Reset” is just another word for “reboot.” Let’s get after it.
Get Thee to a Workshop
If books are not your jam, Baby Yoda and I are not going to perform psychokinesis on you to place you gently right inside the physical library. I might want to do that, but I will restrain myself. Choose a learning style that works better for you. If you are the kinda person who loves a workshop, I highly highly recommend these options:
The Peaceful Pivot: A 4-Step Roadmap to Accomplish Your #1 Life Goal in 6 Months, hosted by Emily Schickli. Virtual workshop - you can attend from anywhere, and you should - I bet this will be the best $20.00 you will ever spend. This is happening Monday, March 24th, 2025, 10 - 11.30am Pacific, and there will be future sessions too. Register here right now: https://www.emilyschickli.com/offers/z4bpWxtx/checkout
Energy Reset: Feel Good in Your Body and Reconnect to Joy, hosted by Emily Schickli. Emily says, “Take a break from the endless to-dos and other people's ‘stuff’ to reset your energy and calm your nervous system through neuroscience-backed practices, like feel-good movement, breath work, and meditation. You'll leave feeling lighter, more connected to your body, and ready to tackle the week ahead.” Does that sound like a reboot or what?? I need one right now. This is happening 11am - 12noon Pacific, the first Sunday of the month in person in Redwood City, California. Register for Sunday April 6th here: https://www.emilyschickli.com/events (first button on that page).
Get Thee to a Therapist
Kk, team, let’s get real personal here for a second.
Stand back, Auntie Genevieve is about to self-disclose.
I have seen therapists and grief counselors on and off for roughly 20 years ever since a dear friend of mine [CONTENT WARNING HELLA SAD] died suddenly when we were both 27. I’ve been seeing my current therapist pretty much once a week since early 2022 when a bunch of other stuff started catching up with me - after I had needed a reboot for maybe 3-5 years and just didn’t realize it.
So I 100% acknowledge that there are situations and times in one’s life when you simply cannot reboot yourself, no matter how many tips and tricks and books and workshops and movies and morning pages and yoga poses and qigong sessions and cold showers and hot showers you try. So I want you to feel hella comfortable looking for a therapist.
If this is new to you, I highly recommend using the advice from my favorite advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, on how to find a therapist. You also have the BetterHelp etc. options but Carolyn’s method worked better for me:
How to Find a Therapist (by Carolyn Hax, not Auntie Genevieve)
“(Always exercise due diligence in selecting caregivers.)
Ask your primary care physician to refer you to someone.
Call your health insurance carrier or visit it online to get a list of in-network providers.
See whether your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program.
Use Open Path Collective, a national nonprofit network of therapists providing sessions at reduced rates.
Search the listings on Psychology Today.
If you or family members have a school affiliation, ask whether its counseling service is available to you or maintains a list of recommended providers of mental health care.
Inquire at your religious organization, if appropriate — many faith leaders have counseling credentials.
Contact a local college or university that confers degrees in counseling fields; many have clinics to train their students.
If you have a specific difficulty, such as grief, addiction, a major illness in the family, debt, etc., there may be a topic-specific support group. SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889, is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year information service in English and Spanish for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups and community-based organizations.”
More here on Carolyn Hax’s resource page: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/06/25/carolyn-hax-resources-for-getting-help/
As you find your way to a therapist, I would like you to be aware of a therapeutic technique called EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, usually defined as “a psychotherapy treatment that is designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories.”
In my own experience, EMDR is the closest thing I have found to the Neuralizer from the 1997 film Men in Black. You probably remember it, the flashy-thingy:
In my case, I did not forget anything, but the pain and anxiety associated with certain very specific memories were alleviated gently over time. [CONTENT WARNING KIDS AND FIRE] For just one small example, based on two traumatic past events, I could never relax around children anywhere near fire. A campfire with kids present would make me so anxious I had to walk laps around the campground. Even birthday candles were a little too spicy for me.
After working on these memories with EMDR with my therapist over a few weeks or months (I can’t remember that part 😉), I eventually got to the point that I simply don’t feel that way anymore. I’m cautious about kids and fire, but no more stringently than any other halfway responsible meat sack. Adults and kids enjoying themselves around a campfire? I am not breathing into a paper bag and indeed may be roasting a marshmallow of my very own. Some kid’s having a birthday and they dared put live flames on his cake? I’m nonchalant, I’m more worried about him blowing covid germs over the food than about the whole place going up in smoke.
In other words, I found something that worked for me. It was a deeper reboot than any other option that I have experienced so far, at least as far as I can remember. I can’t promise it will work for you, but I can promise that there are therapists out there who will be willing to discuss this option with you.
Reboot by Taking Our Quick Reader Survey
As I bet you can tell, I am having a wonderful time working on this March Madness series for you. Because I simply love the idea of rebooting oneself like you’d reboot a computer, this edition has been especially fun to write. So I’m having the time of my life over here, but what I think is not as important as what you think.
We have about 12-13 days left in the month of March so it’s the perfect time to let us know how we can finish the month strong and give you more of what you value most about this newsletter. As ever, we are all about iteration and customer focus around here.
Ali and I would be deeply grateful if you would take our
🌸🏀 March Madness Halftime Survey
Sometimes making your feelings known is a great little mini-reboot all on its own.
Please report back on your attempts to reboot. I will be wishing you super-duper well that you can find an option that works for you. You’ll know it when you feel it.
If you find something that works, please leave a comment or DM me - I’ll update this post with other ideas for reboots. The sky is the limit on how many options we can post on Substack 😍
And please don’t go it alone,
Genevieve
and hey you can also go see a doctor why wouldn’t you do that oh I know lots of reasons but anyway health care does still exist if you can bring yourself to tap into it i know it’s hard
I’m so sorry for your friend-loss :(
I signed up for The Peaceful Pivot workshop Monday
I just learned what “weasel words” are - and hope you never apply them to me! 🙃
THANK YOU GENIUS GENEVIEVE!!!!! 🧠🧑🎨👩🏻💻⛹️♀️!